I need to stop believing in people and getting my hopes up.
At least the getting my hopes up part.

" Man, I was thinking about unrequited love. I figure it's best to just walk that shit off. Find someone else to be excited about. It's like if you love ice cream but your ice cream man friend won't give you any. Maybe he's got a good reason. It cuts into profits. Who knows? But he likes you as a friend and wants to hang out anyway. It just drives you crazy to hang out with that dude, even if he's being reasonable from his point of view. So don't hang out with him. What, you ONLY like ice cream? It's ice cream or nothing? Don't be an asshole. Learn to love donuts. "

Okay.
I'm making goals for this semester,
and I figure I'll writing it somewhere where everybody (that matters) can read it
will keep me from not fucking up.
So.

1. Read Musicophilia
2. Run relatively regularly. Or at least do something physical.
3. Make a budget
4. Take some yoga classes.
5. Take some time to just chill out every day. Maybe do some meditation.
6. Practice six days a week, if not every day of the week.
7. Church. Every Sunday, no excuses.
8. Make coffee every day, no Starbucks bullshit.
9. Keep my room pretty clean.
10. FIGURE OUT IF I WANT TO BE A MUSIC MAJOR. I'm thinking about Marine Biology again. Damn you, Shark Week.
11. Figure out how the damn patchbay works in the recording booth.
12. Don't be so self-involved. Geez.
13. Figure out this whole cooking thing. Eating is good. Eating good tasting food is better.
14. Read more non-fiction. Kinda sick of fiction.
15. Don't put up with people's bitching if it's really not important. Like bitching about having to write a paper.
16. Don't watch much tv, especially trash. No trash.
17. Use less, recycle more...and find the recycling centre.
18. No excuses! Just fucking do it.
19. Control swearing gland. Yes. Swearing gland.
20. Don't lose touch with old friends. Call, email, visit.
21. Don't be afraid to do favours for people, especially coworkers.
22. Just read more. Books rule! (Put book money in budget)
23. Maybe subscribe to the Cookeville newspaper, The Herald Citizen.

More to come!

So.
I had that dream about pointing a gun at Zeek Rainey a little while ago, right?
And a few days ago I had a dream that we just hung out in a gazebo.
Aaaaand I think I had another dream that involved him in some way.
(I honestly don't have kinky dreams. I don't know why.)
Anyway.
I got on facebook this morning while I was making coffee,
and I had a friend request
from Zeek Rainey.
How fucking weird is that?
I haven't talked to that kid...ever.
And I was trying to describe him to aLLison,
and had to quote Diane because she had the greatest description of him ever,
"He looks like Tarzan."
Honestly.
I don't know why he's been in my dreams.
I haven't talked to him.
I don't go to school with him.
I occasionally see him at church at 8 a.m. mass.
But honestly.
That's it.
Perhaps I just find him interesting.
I'm baffled.
Whatever.
I just think it's really awesome that within a week,
I have had three dreams involving him,
having never spoken to him,
and bam!
Friends on facebook.
The world is a very mysterious place.

Zach told me to blog about it,
and I hate the word blog,
but I honestly mostly wrote this down to spite him.

It's the 17th of July, and I'm already dreading my birthday.
My boss asked me to hold down the fort while they're on vacation,
and it encompasses my birthday and Joey's birthday.
And for a split second,
I was going to work on Joey's birthday.
And then I got the most awful feeling in my stomach and my heart.
So. I guess I'll just tell them I can't work on his birthday.
I hope I don't have to explain very much.
I hate hating summer.
Fuuuuuuuuuuck.

I MAY have topped aLLison's insane dreams.
I woke up this morning and all I could think was, "What."

Dream 1:
I woke up, and two cars I didn't recognize pulled up.
The door to the first car opens up,
and out comes former President Reagan.
But at this point in time, I had already gotten Joey's BB pistol
and I had it pointed at the second car,
because Zeek Rainey (random) had a gun pointed at me.
So, Reagan told him to put his gun down, so I did, too.
Then we ate cinnamon rolls and Reagan bitched about it.

Dream 2:
Mom, Dad, and I were in a HUGE mall.
And we went to the basement portion
and there were all these Aliens in the basement,
but they were frozen in ice that was in the ceiling.
BUT they were starting to thaw.
So we had to take care of that.
And then I bought a tree and we took it home.
And we went back to get a converter box, and the box was frozen.
So that's how we knew the Aliens weren't dead.
The end. :/

I have no idea where Zeek Rainey and Reagan came into the picture.
I haven't even talked to Zeek ever.
But I do go to church with him
and we saw him walking home last night in the dark.
And Reagan?
I can't even begin to put that one together.
That was super random.

I am standing on a mountain.
A mountain I made with my bare hands
These hands
These rugged, bloody hands
That have touched your face
And have reached for your soul
Your beautiful, white soul
That rests in the sky like a million drops of rain
Waiting to fall
Refusing to fall
Taunting me with its perfection.

Let me reach it
Let me touch it
Let me cradle it in my arms
Like it is my own child
And I am its lonely mother
Full of imperfections and a deep sadness
The kind of sadness that this world doesn't understand
The sadness of a thousand years of a raging war
Fought within me.

I discovered something today!
I'm awesome at using a machete.
How badass is that?
I also realized something a few days ago.
I started hardcore knitting right after Joey died.
I don't really know why.
It's kinda weird.
But now I have 400 scarves,
which is nice.
I'm also in the middle of a sweater,
which might be a bit small.
I'm also knitting a crazy scarf.
It's awesome.

I got my wisdom teeth cut out today.
All four.
I thought I had an appointment with Molly's dad, but I got the other guy instead.
That's alright.
It's not like I was awake for it anyway.
But here's what happened...

I got into the room, and this super nice nurse did all the putting stuff on me
and then you could hear my heartbeat,
which was totally freaking out,
and the lady was all "take deep breaths."
And then Dr. McCurdy came in and was like,
"You'll feel a little pinch and that's all."
I felt the pinch and then all was black.
I have a feeling i dreamed, but I don't remember it.
I woke up and was like
WOAH.
And the nurse was helping me up and helping me walk and everything.
And apparently I kept telling her
"I really appreciate this."
and "You're really nice."
And then I got in the van and tried to pull down the mirror so I could see myself,
but I kept missing it with my hands.
We stopped to pick up the dog from the vet,
because we went to Holiday World on Saturday
and visited my great uncle/aunt on Sunday.
And then we went to Walmart to get Burt's Bees and jello.
Somehow, while I was waiting on my mom to get back to the car,
I completed today's crossword puzzle.
And it was right.
Weird.
Anyway.
Now I'm really hungry
and in quite a bit of pain.
I'd like to sleep, but I'm not all that tired.
We'll see.
Man. I'm so hungry.

Edit: Apparently eating doesn't help.
I've thrown up twice already.
We're not talking one heave,
we're talking massive quantities of vomit.
Sorry I'm typing this.

Alright guys.
There's something living in my ceiling.
I heard it scurrying/flitting around late last night
and it's one fast muthafucka.
I have decided that it's either
1. a giant spider with shoes
2. a mouse/bird combo or
3. a new-born Alien.
We'll find out, sometime.
Oh. If anybody has a helpful link related to mouse mating habits, please let me know.

Also.
Much like Allison, I have been having some messed up dreams as of late.
Pyramids.
Rock monsters.
Cigarettes.
Coffee.
Zoos.
Sea meercats.
I don't know what's going on in my brain.

Next week is SCMI,
a week-long music camp for high schoolers.
I'm going to be a counselor again!
Yay!
Seriously.
I love the kids that go to the camp.
They're always fantastic and nice, which is kind of refreshing.
Anyway, I've been asked to play bari sax, which I haven't played since 8th grade.
So I've been busting my butt trying to get my chops up.
This'll be interesting.
Wish me luck!

<3choo all x [sideways 8]!
(Yes. That's a factorial.)